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historically, I've kept a spare key hidden under the chassis, in case I get locked, etc.

the manual says that without the appropriate key fob, you can get into the car, but do not start it.

I called Ford to ask if they had cut out the new keys and they told me:

1) if you have unlocked the car with a key, but you do not have the corresponding keychain, it will not start the car

2) they don't make metal keys. just an electronic keychain/key combination.

3) getting one new key costs $285+$80 per service

is all this really true? is there a workaround? is there really no way to cut out a cheap metal key with their signature ford pattern to at least put me in the car if I lock myself in while camping?

Well,listen

So what's the problem with making yourself a new keychain for a car? Try to find out about your situation in the services that create duplicate keys for cars. And then ask the locksmith about it. Maybe some specialists are engaged in programming key chains for cars. Considering what technologies are now, I wouldn't be surprised that locksmiths program key chains for cars. After all, I recently duplicated the keys for my car online, can you imagine!? And I waited about several weeks for the keys to be created, and a ready-made duplicate of the keys was sent to me by mail.

In such case, I would go to a west norwood locksmith or any other locksmith in your area, I am pretty sure a good locksmith will be able to help you.