by Charles » Mon Sep 08, 2014 2:44 pm
1. I like your project image. It's colorful, and it includes nature, which is hard to beat for visual interest. Like any project image, though, the smaller version (which more people will see than the bigger version) packs less visual punch. You might want to consider adding in text or your logo across the bottom of the image. You might also want to experiment with including one or more persons in the project image, behind those snowboards.
2. Your project page has lots of images on it, which is a visual plus. The further down that I scroll, the less colorful that it becomes. I think that part of the problem is attributable to the fact that almost all of the images on the page are shrunk down in size. Plus, while your project page sends a visual message, it doesn't send a social message - namely, your project page is people-deficient. Human beings add visual interest. Also, you're hawking snowboards, without including any snow in the static images on display on the project page. What the Hell?! That strikes me as a missing piece of the visual puzzle.
3. Your choice of that scribbly text carries with it less visual impact. I have very mixed feelings about it. You might want to experiment with other fonts. The thin part bothers me less than the fact that it is imprecise. That font just loos less professional, to me, than many other fonts would.
4. Consider the following text instance:
Juke Snowboards, best friends hand building snowboards straight out of Central Massachusetts.
OK, that's all fine and dandy, but then compare it to a quote that I extracted from your website:
Dream come true to design and ride my own board! — MacKenzie Hennessey
I think that best friends hand-building snowboards is a nice concept, regardless of where they are straight out of. But, does it have the punch that you are after with complete strangers? It strikes me as rather sedate.
I say this because snowboarding (which is something that I have never even tried to do) is a high energy activity. It's akin to land-surfing. There's lots of motion involved, lots of speed, lots of dynamic action. Your choice of text, in that instance above, doesn't seem to fit that mold. Sure, it's a factual statement, but is it exciting?
5. Your video need to be done over, again. It has a multitude of issues, not the least of which is that both Tim and Pat seem to be hesitant to just relax and have a good time while explaining the product. Of the two of you, Tim has the better voice for the video. Tim's voice is deep, and at the 0:05 to 0:06 mark, when he says the name of the company, it isn't clear whether he says Juke Snowboards or Duke Snowboards.
At around the 0:41 to 0:42 mark, Tim actually smiles. Go back and watch your video, again. How much smiling actually occurs, compared to how much fidgeting? I grasp that you want people to take the project seriously, but you guys are young and probably full of energy, and with a great idea to boot, yet you look as though you're standing before the class at school trying to give an oral book report.
At the 0:23 to 0:24 mark, Tim says, "That's why we're coming to you, Kickstarter." That's a good line.
Of the two guys in the video, Pat comes across by far as being the more relaxed of the two.
At around the 0:36 mark, Tim utilizes his hands in animated form. That's a visual plus. If the two of you had encountered this product being done by somebody else, and you were explaining it to a group of friends for the very first time in casual company, then I suspect that both of you would have been far more animated in the course of explaining why it is such a great thing that you encountered. Yet, it's your product, and you are subdued in your explanation.
You are before a camera, you're outside, and yet you seem afraid to move. If you were on your snowboard riding it down a hill, then you would be graceful, not stiff. You guys look stiff. You're stiff, because you don't want to screw it up. Yet, you screw it up, because you're stiff.
At the 0:42 mark, Pat begins to come alive. Hey, he can move! He has some animation to him. He's not a robot, after all.
Tim is fidgeting like crap. He doesn't know what to do with himself. The whole key is to just relax.
Plus, how come there's so little actual snow footage in the video? Are these flower boards that you're making, or snow boards?
6. Show us different people riding your snowboards. Where are the bold, daring snowboarders? They have vast reservoirs of visual energy. Your approach is overwhelming sedate. Are you selling these things to people in a nursing home?
7. Under Risks and challenges, put these word segments into bold text:
SIZE/COLOR/MODEL EXCHANGES:
DELIVERY DELAYS:
APPAREL AVAILABILITY:
BOARD AVAILABILITY:
SHIPPING:
8. The static image son your project page run together. Balance your use of images-to-text. Either images/photos or text can be used to created distinct visual areas within a page. Too much of one or the other on a project page is bad. Like riding a snowboard, you need to learn to balance. Granted, you have text included as part of images, but a lot of that text doesn't extend across the full width of that main column on your project page, as it does under the About Us section.
9. You need to include some full size photos of your individual snowboards. Make sure that they are not all presented vertically, either.
10. That image of that yellow press machine, move it further down the page, and in it's place, put an image of a person or persons using the snowboard(s). As the page visitor begins to scroll down, you want to whack them right in the face with wow factor. That image that you have in that spot may be visually interesting, but it's not the right image for that rime piece of your project page's real estate. If the page visitor decides to scroll down, then you want to grab their eye, anew. Give them some visual eye candy. Give them a reason to linger, and to keep on scrolling down. They will likely browse your page, before they begin to read your text in earnest. Kickstarter is a visual medium.