by ZompireWolf » Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:49 pm
Interesting. Ok few things from me:
1) There are too many... words in your description. If I was you I would edit about half of them out. Stick to some really cool points and sell it. People don't want every detail but you can easily edit it to keeping all the good points. Keep some of the other stuff for updates.
2) I really like that you tell exactly what the funds are for!
3) Video is pretty good. Why don't you make an appearance? Would be good to see the developer behind. Your character seems to be always moving backwards through!
4) You reference 'Mom and Dad' a few times in your description. Remove all of these. I don't know anything about you but reading this makes you sound 14. This may or may not be the case but you don't want backers getting this impression.
5) Sometimes I feel you are trashing other things rather than selling your own thing. Put it this way.... your opening is this:
"Remember the good old days when video games were simple, had adventure, not over complicated and just plan fun? Remember playing classic games?!
Wouldn't it be nice to play a full blown adventure on your phone or other mobile device without having to carry around a device designed specifically for gaming?
Have you ever gone on a trip before and you can't bring that awesome adventure game with you because you don't have enough room to bring your video gaming system, let alone you need to find a TV to plug it into?
Or if you have a portable gaming system you still have to make room for that as well, plus the charging cord plus the game. It is still one more thing to carry.
What if that one device could be your cell phone. Am sure you don't leave home without it.
How many full blown 3D interactive adventure games are their on the mobile market?
Not very many, and the ones that are on the market don't offer the quality and experience that we are delivering. PLUS most games that are on the mobile market are flooded with API marketing. Now that is a real problem.
I don't, and am sure you don't either want to pay money to just advance in the game you are playing, and its not like your going to pay once, odds are if you paid once, your going to be paying again and again, and for what? Just to advance?
Well if you do that, that is fine. You work hard for your money right? But what happens when your kids ask you to make an API purchase for the game they are playing just so the can advance through the game, or they can't advance anymore because they don't have enough friends playing the same game.
Maybe you or your kids have a video game system and the newest game comes out, but that means Dad or Mom has to shell out an easily $50 dollars to get it being a new title.
This is all a real problem, and we are hear with a solution.
If you have experienced any of the above than "The Sacred Stone: A Story Adventure" is the game for you! "
I would change that whole thing to:
"Remember the good old days when video games were simple, were adventurous and just plain fun? Remember classic gaming?! Well then "The Sacred Stone: A Story Adventure" will rock your world! Experience a brand new gorgeous 3D gaming environment on mobile and tablets while fighting Trolls, badguys and other badguys all the time collecting stuff and other stuff."
Elevator Pitch.
Hope this helps.
For such a slick looking game, $600 is a tiny amount. Let me know when your live and I'll throw you a few quid. Best of luck!