KickstarterForum.org

Let me know when the re-edited text is up there and we'll have another look!

Sounds good am working on getting things set up right now to show my appearance. Give me a couple of hours.

Hey guys I updated everything including the personal video. I made the personal video a little more interesting. I plan on launching tomorrow or the day after. So all comments are more than welcome please!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/75 ... n=fd0d8c49

Also the new video is processing. So it should be up in the next few minutes on that link.

Ok my feedback and you can take it or leave it!

1) The content is much better. Much Kudos to your wife! Reads fine and your selling it well.

2) You have a $200 reward to name the main character but a $500 reward with all the above. If you get 3 backers at $500 and one at $200, who gets to name the character? Clarify this in the rewards please.

3) There is a line which sticks out for me... "$600 dollars is nothing compared to what most games on Kickstarter ask for, and that money will secure the overhead cost of the game so we can deliver a epic experience for all ages to enjoy!". I think I actually hate this line! Your comparing again rather than bigging up your game! Something like "$600 dollars for our amazing campaign will secure the overhead cost of the game so we can deliver a epic experience for all ages to enjoy!"

4) Take the quotation marks out of the first paragraph! Also in the line "while fighting Trolls, badguys and other badguys all the time collecting stuff and other stuff." please replace 'badguys and other badguys' with the actual badguys name and 'stuff and other stuff' with the actual stuff your collecting! I didn't know what they were but think you need to have a few details here!

5) The video... ok the video is way too long. I don't have 6 minutes to watch this. You have loads of videos to explain features and gameplay in your story. Don't double up. It's similar enough to your content... edit edit edit. I would say 2 minutes max. You said you were shy but managed to talk for 4 minutes! Good for you. Now get that down to 2! And may I suggest taking out anything when your trashing the way other things work?! I know I keep harping back to this but it doesn't sound great. Sell your own thing! Excite me about it!

6) Never underestimate the power of the $1. Your reward for the $1 is 'Thank you'. Pretty boring! Even something like 'A heartfelt Thank You!' would be better.

Getting there! Very close.

Thanks I will work on this right now!! Give me another couple of hours here!

Also I do apologize it just hit me that your video game campaign is going and your asking for some pretty serious coin, I didn't mean to offend you or anyone else on the money thing.

Your not offending me as a project creator... as a backer I would be nervous at the perceived flippancy of the amount! I'm not sure. Something just doesn't fit right with the line. It is the only thing causing me issues in your entire body of text.

Honestly.. a few tweaks and your ready to go!

I just edited the text and am reviewing the interview. Feel free to look over the text!

You did it again! Take out the quotation marks for the $600 line!

Let me know when the video is up.

Ahh my bad. I have just edited the video. I will upload it right now. However I don't like it personally, but will see what you say. I know I can do better so am going to do another recording here and confine my wording down, I believe I can achieve better flow this way. I will fix the quotation.